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An epic about reality and doubt

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In what feels like an eon or more
I have stood still in a river of blood
Is it mine or is it yours, I have no idea
All I know is that I am alive and you are not

I cannot see to shore
My dear friend Theodore

In despair I usually reach for the bottle
With full throttle
Is that a falling star or a space shuttle

Am I supposed to feel this zen
In this devil’s den
I am not unsure of my sin, yet maybe did I win
These memories, are they mine
They seem to me so unkind
These bloody knots, they won’t unwind
I have not a sword
Bastard gordian
This string is a slight bit too short
I am not great Alexander
Nor that tall one Leander
I ask upon once again and yet still no answer

I heard a meow but saw no cat
So what the fucking hell was that
This is not the water of which
Upon I hang my ancient hat
I am stuck here without a boat
In this crimson hell I float
And nothing of it can be done
Was it just an imbroglio I won

Red is the color I see when I close my eyes
Fire and brimstone, no ice
Is all this happening inside my head
Is it a dream or am I maybe dead
I will be on the path most safe
I do not dare, I am not a waif
I feel like I still have the most to lose
I cannot chase that golden goose
This is not a life but I feel alive
Can I not just go to sleep and wake again as the second youngest of five
In this ocean I am sleep deprived
Maybe I am dead but in the process of being revived
And if so what do I do to help them succeed
And if not so then what the fuck indeed
I am beyond clueless but after eons I wonder
I must do something or be drawn asunder
I can take my life, of that I am sure
I still have lungs and drowning I can’t endure
Testing my limits is my only past time after all
And I still hear the sweet voice of the void call
But what if that brings me death, a permanent one I mean
Should I hold on to my breath after the voids I have seen
I could surely see some more but my mind is slowly leaving
This is beyond all kinds of gore, looks can be so deceiving
Suicide is a sin too I have been told
But what is a life worth if you’re centuries old
I barely even remember what life is supposed to be
And if this here is life then that’s just not for me
But what of the afterlife, I truly fear what more is to tell
I mean if this is existence, damnation sure will be hell

And I wouldn’t wish that for my worst enemy
After life I think we all deserve what’s heavenly
What stupidity we left behind should be forgotten
Forgiven, erased, a new divine chance gotten
But if I am still alive and I die by the sin
Will I cross that line that is hair thin
Will you understand me, highest king
I'm ready to depart but please just tell me one thing

Can I still get into heaven if I kill myself
Can I still get into heaven if I kill myself
Can I still get into heaven if I kill myself
My dear friend Theodore
I will do what is best for me

credits

from Brutal Insanity, released June 6, 2016
Maxuxx and the rest of DOAM

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Deduction Of A Miscalculation Denmark

A silly little piece of a heart, beating from the chest of Maxuxx, known from his vocal work in, among others, Ilumize, Helskov, Aback Taken, The Kali and more

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